I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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