Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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