I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
