her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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