it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize