So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize