Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
