I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I supernannyed him into submission
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
