I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
