she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
