No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
my poor anus
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
