Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
