Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize