i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
