yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
