Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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