My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
