How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
