Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
