I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
