i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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