k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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