Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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