don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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