someone owes me an orgasm
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
