i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
