also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
