I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
