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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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