'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
