I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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