No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
