nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
