i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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