There was a lot of him and a little penis
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
