mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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