shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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