i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
