i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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