The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
