Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
