my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
