I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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