Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
