guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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