I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
