You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize