Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
