I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize