Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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