I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
