can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
