Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
