are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
