WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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