No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
not ubering you a puppy
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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