dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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