We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
