She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My feet surprised me
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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