She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
