I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Two words: blizzard sex
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
