Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
