Can Purell be used as lube?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize