I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
please don't ironically join a cult
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