when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize